Written by Renee Brush, Ph.D.

Much of what I understand about my life, I have come to understand since I started Somatic Experiencing (SE) training. I separated from my second husband mid-2016 and was divorced in June 2017. I then began SE training later that year. 

SE is a body-based form of therapy. It is not the “talk therapy” you hear people talk about. I chose to learn SE for that exact reason. Dr. Peter Levine developed SE to help the client slowly learn how to feel into their body and to release energy from emotions that had been stored there from prior traumas. This blog, my understanding of my own circumstances, even my spiritual awakening may not have happened had I never traveled down that path. 

Last week, I shared my story on dissociation and how deeply and thoroughly I was dissociated most of my life. Through my time in SE, another thing I learned is that, along with the dissociation, I have been braced physically as if I was constantly waiting for something to happen. Constantly. Even sitting in the safety of my own home. More recently, I learned this is called muscle armoring (Sherlock, 2019).

What is muscle armoring?

Even though you may have never heard of it, the idea of “armoring” was first introduced by Wilhelm Reich in the 1930s (Urbanfitt.com, nd). As I was doing research about it, I could not find any mention of it in any of the trauma books I own, though you can google it and find mention of it on other websites about CPTSD or bodywork (like massage or energy healing). Though there doesn’t seem to be a medical name for it, someone that does rehabilitation called people that deal with this “chronic muscle clenchers” (Larsen, 2017).

Reich was the first recognized to write about how a person would brace their muscles as a way to ward off overwhelming emotions, from themselves or someone else (Urbanfitt.com, nd). He named it “armoring” because the condition would contain all of the energy within the body, preventing it from flowing freely, as energy from emotions normally would do. These contractions was viewed as a protective coping mechanism to keep “explosive” emotions managed, thereby giving the person a sense of safety.

Over time, the body armoring creates a rigidity and lack of flexibility in the body. In essence, it is the body being hypervigilant in much the same way a person can be hypervigilant always looking around in a new place.

So, it seems the medical field does not seem to be really aware of it, however, some of the CPTSD pages suggested that it could be linked to fibromyalgia, TMJ (i.e., teeth grinding), and chronic pain. I only have anecdotal evidence to back that up right now, but I see it in all of my clients - and what I’m sharing with you right now.

What does muscle armoring feel like?

If you have ever noticed yourself clenching your teeth or bracing your shoulders, you will know what this feels like. I am only introducing the concept of something most of us already know we experience. And I will share my story as a way to help make sense of it. 

As a teen, I always had headaches. My mom took all of us to a chiropractor and he explained it by the use of forceps during delivery. I don’t know if that is true or not. It certainly could be. But the headaches and the tightness in my shoulders, neck, and lower back have always been there. 

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I always felt it in my lower back. And when I go on long walks, I feel it in my lower back. And sleeping too long. 

I remember sitting in SE training and we were feeling the physical sensations in our body and I noticed my shoulders were braced - literally, pulled up toward my ears. I released them. I then noticed that my legs were braced. My feet were braced. A few weeks down the road, I was doing a guided meditation and the teacher had me noticing that my teeth were also clenched. And my tongue was also braced against the roof of my mouth. 

Literally everything in my body was braced in some capacity! 

All the time!

Releasing it is great, but then within a few moments, I noticed that everything has braced again. It is maddening how quickly and outside of consciousness this happens!

How does muscle armoring develop?

For me, like many of us, the mistreatment started before I could talk. They call that “pre-verbal.” My earliest memory is when I was around the age of three. I was having a meltdown, asking my parents why they didn’t love me. What child asks their parents that so young? My child NEVER asked me that. 

One of the things I have learned in my years of study is to believe what is before me. Bessel van der Kolk’s (2015) book title says it all: The body keeps the score. The body remembers. If your body is telling you something, trust it. It will not lie to you, though you may need to learn its language. 

When I was three, I did not believe my mother loved me. Some day, I will share my story on that memory because it was a part of me coming to understand my life. But, once I understood how I felt at three, that allowed other things to start coming to me. Memories started resurfacing. 

I remember one night I had just gone to bed. The lights were still on, but I was lying in bed with my eyes closed. I think I may have been waiting for one of the dogs to jump into bed. Suddenly, my whole body tensed up and the thought ran through my head, “Don’t open your eyes. She’s here.” 

Well, you know I opened my eyes! That’s what we do, like in a horror movie! And there was an image of a much younger version of my mom standing right next to my bed, looking down on me. She did not look happy at all. Was it a ghost or a spirit? At the time, I had not started my spiritual awakening, so I’m not sure what I believed it was then. But, what I do know is that I was afraid. 

In all honesty, what I experienced was a flashback. I understand that now as I’m writing this.

Suddenly, I knew why I couldn’t go to bed at a decent time anymore. I don’t know what she did to me back when I was just a toddler, but it scared me. Scared me so much that, even in my 50s, I have a hard time going to bed at a decent time. 

I tried to shake it all off, got both dogs into bed, turned the lights off, and rolled over in bed, with the covers up over my head. And then I had more visions in my mind. Visions like images of a photograph where she was holding the upper part of my arm as just a toddler, shaking me. I was scared and she looked angry. 

The body remembers. The thing is - I don’t see those images as if I’m looking at her face while she is shaking me. I’m looking at the images as if I’m looking from a third person perspective. If a client told me this, I would know that - at the exact moment being described - the person in the picture was feeling so overwhelmed they were dissociated and having an out-of-body experience. And I was less than three. 

I may not have been able to talk at the time, but those memories are stored away. Waiting for me to get to a place when I was ready to understand what was happening. And I would believe it. 

I was lucky that whatever anger my mom was projecting onto me as a toddler was contained by the time I could talk. She never physically hurt me besides what I am sharing with you. But I was always afraid of her, though I could never tell you why. I remember telling Deborah, my therapist, about how she would stare at me and I would just be so afraid. I could never explain why. Until those memories resurfaced. 

So, why do I brace all of my muscles? Because I was preparing for the next attack. Initially, they were physical. And they were scary and overwhelming for such a young child.

But I was also braced for verbal attacks. My mom’s tongue could be super sharp and it would make anyone jump. 

Bracing yourself makes it easier to not jump. But it’s also easier to not feel any emotions this way. But, it also means you can’t ever relax. How can you relax if your body is still in hypervigilant mode? You can’t. 

How to stop muscle armoring?

This is a question I really do not yet know the answer to. But this is the year I think I’m meant to figure this out. As I have been planning the year and deciding on what my focus is for my healing, building a state of ease for my mind AND body keeps coming up for me. 

That means building a sense of safety. Safety is important for both the mind and body. If we are going to ever truly relax, we need to feel safe. But that feels so impossible when we have a lifetime of people who have hurt us. 

I feel like some type of bodywork might be part of the healing process. In fact, as I mentioned, bodyworkers - many of whom are doctors doing research - seem to be the only ones who are talking about this. However, my experience with it (so far!) has not been great. A few years ago, I decided I was going to heal the bracing through massage therapy. I told the woman about my issues and my history. I went like six or seven weeks in a row. Each time she would use a lighter and lighter touch and work less time, but each time, the day after, I would be in more and more pain. 

The bracing - or muscle armoring - is now a normal state for my muscles. Massage therapy causes them to expand, which is not normal for my muscles. So, the next day, in true self-protective form, the muscles would constrict more tightly, thus causing me more pain. 

The massage therapist said I would likely need more frequent but shorter appointments but there was no way at the time to work that in with my schedule. She was even thinking I might need to involve my primary care doctor and maybe even a physical therapist. I don’t remember how they all would be working together now, I just remember it was going to entail a lot of people.

I then went to see someone who was trained in craniosacral therapy, which I see as a cross between massage and energy healing. I saw a woman twice. I did feel very relaxed after the first time. I also told her my story, but on the second visit, she made a comment like, “I like to believe our moms do the best they can.” And, honestly, she is right, but I did not need or want to hear that from someone who is helping me to build safety in my body. So I never went back. And I never tried to find someone else.

So, bodywork is something I am still trying to figure out. And, as I figure it out, I will share it here.

Right now, what I am doing is keeping an awareness on my body and working to release the tension when I notice it. When I think of it, a quick body scan would help with this. I notice my shoulders pretty easily, but not clenching my legs, teeth or tongue. 

As I’m writing this, I think I need to add an affirmation that states, “I am safe in my body,” that I see daily to help replace this idea that I am not safe. I use an affirmation app that allows me to save an image and then make it my lock screen so I can see it every time I use my phone. 

One of my goals for this year is to get back into my yoga routine. Van der Kolk’s (2015) book explored the research on how yoga helps those with PTSD become calmer and more embodied. It will also help to release some of this tension that comes from being braced and clenched all of the time. It will also help my body be less rigid and more flexible.

The only time when I feel completely at peace throughout my whole body is when I am meditating. I somehow have to find a way to bring that feeling throughout my day. If I can do that, in addition to adding these other pieces in, I think I will have helped resolve this issue. 

But, that, of course, is a work in progress!

References

Larsen, K. (2017, Jan 1). Are you a chronic muscle clencher: Woe to you. Retrieved from:  https://mskneurology.com/chronic-muscle-clencher-woe-to-you/

Sherlock, D. (2019, Jan 1). What trauma does to you: Muscle armoring. Retrieved from: https://dianesherlock.com/2019/01/01/what-trauma-does-to-you-muscle-armoring/

Urbanfitt.com (nd). The body braid, somatic healing, and body armoring. Retrieved from http://urbanfitt.com/the-bodybraid-somatic-healing-and-body-armoring/

Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the. Healing of Trauma. New York: Penguin.