Finding My Place in the Church: My Mission Trip (Part 3)

Written by Renee Brush, Ph.D.

For the past two weeks, I have been sharing about my experiences with finding my purpose within the church. It started with a conference on serving that resulted in my signing up to go on a mission trip to Central America! Last week, I began telling you about my week and got through the first half of the week, which was about a project on Katie’s (the organizer’s) property, meeting one person, and then one day of feeding children and praying for those in need. Here is the rest of the story…

Day 4

My third day in country started with my cold shower (because no hot water! But it was so humid this was not a problem) and more conversations with God. This was our daily thing, and I looked forward to it, once I realized it was our “thing.” Today, He made it clear to me that mission work WAS my purpose in the church though He didn’t quite say it that way. During my shower, I had the thought that I would like to volunteer on the mission’s team once we got back home. Once everyone was up and getting ready, I asked Laurie if they needed more volunteers to help on the mission’s team. Her comment was, “Yes! We always need new leaders for the trips.” That was not what I meant, but, in my mind, if that’s how she took it, then that must have been how God meant it. I told her what I really meant, but the possibility of me leading my own team was already planted.

This day was the busiest of all the days of the week. We started by helping feed lunch to children with a program lead by a woman I will call Joan with whom Katie works closely. Joan and her whole family have programs that serve the community. We also walked around the neighborhood around where Joan’s house was at. After lunch, we went and visited a senior’s home where we did a devotional, sang songs, and brought them a snack. After that, we went back to Joan’s house and had dinner with her and her whole family.

Serving lunch to the children was so much fun because they just ate up all of the attention. I taught a couple of my friends how to ask the kids how to say certain things in Spanish so the kids could teach them something. The kids would just laugh. They were at this program because they were at risk for homelessness later in life and they had very strict rules to follow from Joan. But many of them thrived for being in that program. Plus, that lunch was often the only good meal they had for the day.

Walking around the neighborhood also was very sobering because you could see more of the lack of care that the government placed in the upkeep. There was a canal behind the house, and it was filled with trash and graffiti. But so many people saw us walking by and they would come out and say “hi” to us. We stopped and talked and/or prayed with many of them.

The senior center was also very interesting because many of the seniors there had been dropped off and “left” by their families. Their families perhaps couldn’t afford to take care of them due to their medical needs. Katie went there every week to visit them, and it was a pleasure to be able to join in, to smile at them and to hug them. Some of them wouldn’t let go when we hugged them! They were grateful that we visited them.

Most of the time while we were visiting people, Katie would interpret for us, telling us what they said or telling them what we said. That made it slow for communication. I was still studying my Spanish while I was there, and I could pick up some words there and there. And I could say a basic thing (like “Hello!” and “Pleased to meet you!”) here and there as needed. And if I didn’t know, I could ask.

But we spent the MOST time with people sitting down and talking when we had dinner with Joan and her family. Katie encouraged us to spread out so that we were sitting among them. Most of them could not speak English and most of us could not speak Spanish! At one point, this resulted in one of the more humorous parts of the night. Katie had introduced me to the people sitting around me and told them I was a psychologist. The woman sitting across me was joined by her husband and the conversation was joking about the woman’s husband being “crazy” (“loco”) and needing help or something like that. I looked at the woman and said in Spanish that he (pointing at her husband) doesn’t know what my job is. She laughed – and it was the first time I had seen her laugh since she had sat down.

This family was made up of 2-3 siblings and their children and the children’s spouses, ALL of whom were in ministry and had charity-type organizations where they were serving people, mainly children, to help protect them from ending up homeless or abused. Between all of them, there were multiple organizations and many, many people being helped. It was amazing!

Katie asked them to share with us how they had seen God at work in their daily lives over the past week. As they spoke, it was not hard for me to see the pain in their faces from what they had to face on a daily basis. I couldn’t understand all that they were saying, but I could SEE and I KNEW their pain.

Then Katie asked us – only if one of us – would share our story about how God was working in our lives. She said, “I am thinking specifically of one person, but that person does not have to feel pressure to share.” I knew she was talking about me, and I was ready to share. These people had already bared their souls to us and I was willing to do it back. I told them how I was not raised in the church but had started knowing God only the year prior and started attending church in person just this February. I basically gave them the short version of Part 1 of this series. And I told them seriously that I had not wanted to come to Central America, but that God moved me to come, so here I was. And now after only a few short days, I loved the country, and I was going to be back! Of course, they asked why I didn’t want to go there, and I didn’t have a real reason. Maybe lack of information. But they were pleased to hear I was going to be back. I even had one of the siblings come tell me that if God tells me I need to stay there for one year, then I need to consider it my second home! I’m not sure about THAT, but I thought her sentiment was sweet!

Day 5

In our morning conversation, God started telling me that my job (or at least one part of it) when I come back is to help the helpers. This is a term that we use in psychology when we are working to help others that are in the same field. Therapists helping other therapists. The people I met have seen such devastation and people living in terrible conditions. We call it “vicarious trauma.” They don’t experience it themselves, but they have a hard time because they see others go through it. If you have ever cried because of something someone else experienced, then you know what I am talking about. First responders can qualify for PTSD simply by witnessing horrific things on the job. I would say the same could be true for these people.

This day was a break for us. It was our “tourist” day. Katie had planned for us a day at a beach where we were going to have lunch and then some shopping in a nearby town. It was nice to have a slower day where we were able to go swimming or kayaking and just enjoy the beauty of the country. I kayaked out to the middle of the lake and sat there enjoying the scenery for a bit, listening to the wind and the music coming from a second resort area. It was the one day where the humidity didn’t seem to affect us all that much. The break was nice from seeing all of the poverty that the people were living in.

Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Day 6

After our needed break, today was the hardest of all the days. We went to visit what is called a “dump neighborhood.” Literally, the people’s houses were built a short distance away from the city’s dump after the area had experienced a devastating hurricane that had wiped out a huge number of houses without resources to rebuild them. Tens of thousands of people lived in this community with brick walls around their tiny houses.

As we drove into the neighborhood, we passed by the dump. There was a dump truck there, dropping off a load of garbage. There was a large group of people surrounding the back of the truck where the contents were being released – and they were picking through the piles. We were told that there was actually a power hierarchy of people for who gets “first dibs” on the trash. The people then take what they find and try to sell it for whatever they can get, even if it’s just pennies. This is how they make their money to live.

The organization we were helping that day was one of Joan’s children and their spouse. They travel out there six days a week to feed the children and, on several of those days, they provide tutoring for some of those kids who need it. And on the day they are not there, the kids often do not get to eat. While we were there, we helped them feed the kids. Then we played music and sang and danced with them. It was fun, even if some of the older children didn’t seem to want to join in. But teens can be like that.

After all the children had eaten and they had gone, we then walked around the neighborhood. The pastors had picked out 10 people who were in special need in the neighborhood for us to go visit. We took them provisions and then prayed with them after asking what they wanted us to pray for. Many of them had dirt floors in their houses and did not officially have electricity, but they had electrical cords that plugged into the city’s electrical lines. They had fans, but none of the people had the fans on until we came on. But most of them turned the fans on for us once we came to visit them. It was so hot, the fans could not do anything, but it was a very sweet gesture.

By the time we got home that night, I was exhausted. I had not been sleeping well because of the heat and humidity. And my heart was hurting by all that I had seen. But there was also lots of love for these people who had nothing but gave in whatever ways they could, through hugs, smiles, or prayers. It felt our debriefing at night kept getting more and more somber from what we were seeing. And we as a group were growing closer and closer. I don’t think you can experience these things and not grow closer, especially if you are supporting each other in an emotionally healthy way.

Photo by Yannis H on Unsplash

Day 7

Today, we drove to another area of the country and met two different pastors that had their own charity organizations. It was interesting, but also very nice, that these ministries were largely family-run organizations. Adult children and their spouses were helping with logistics and running of the programs. This is so heartening since I live in a country where that does not always happen. 

This day was different because we went out to meet these pastors, but we did not help them feed the children in their programs or walk around the neighborhoods. We just met the pastors and their families. They shared stories about their programs and what they do so we could learn about them. They led us in prayer and worship, and we just spent time getting to know them. It was much more laid back than the other days, except for the tourist day, of course. But for the last day in the country, that was fine. Even though we had only helped serve food and meet people, it was an emotional week.

The other nice thing about this day is that we were able to see more of the country since we drove for about an hour and a half to meet these two pastors and their families. We saw more of the landscape and the various trees and plants that are indigenous to the country. We didn’t stop to look at it, so we only saw it as we drove by, but it was still beautiful, nonetheless.

Day 8

This was our last day, and we were getting ready to go home. I woke up early, like I had done all week, and took my cold shower. I was feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken at all I had seen. I knew I would be back within the year, but I suddenly had all these doubts that I could do this work. I found myself pleading with God, “Why me?” I am overly sensitive and emotional. I was unsure how I would be able to handle this time after time. I felt certain there would be other people who could do the work better than me. I was in tears, and I was praying that I would not have to do this work.

That moment felt the first time I was fighting against something God was asking me to do. I have had doubts about other things – like this blog – but mission work, where you are around people who have nothing, felt like it was out of my league.

And then just as quickly as I was thinking about how emotional I was and how I’m still struggling with my own history are all the reasons I cannot do this work, the thought dropped into my head: these are ALL the reasons you will be good at this work.

The next thing I know, I had this strange sense of peace and calm come over me. I was no longer crying, and I knew Jesus was with me and would be with me on my next trip. And then I was reminded of the quote: God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Though, I am qualified in a different sense to do this work. After we got back home, the assistant to the missions’ director asked me to make a video about my trip. And during the making of the video, I talked about how I originally wanted to go on the trip to Europe, not Central America. She had great insight into the whole thing. She said that it was interesting that I ultimately was called to go on the trip to Central America where the people are traumatized – which IS my training – whereas the trip to Europe is with children who have not been traumatized. That seems to me to be what happens when you surrender.

Now, my church is starting the process to prepare for next year’s trip and I’m waiting patiently to see who will sign up to join me in less than six months when I return to my new second home. I’m still sometimes bothered by the one sister who said that if God tells me to spend a year there, then I will need to go. But that hasn’t been a message yet. I’m hoping that doesn’t come any time soon… lol…

This trip was life-changing for me. I would love to hear if you have ever been on one. And if you have not, I strongly encourage you to consider it! If you are on a journey to be closer to God, it will surely help you on that journey. You will never regret it!