Written by Renee Brush, Ph.D.

I have never been one to set resolutions, at least not for many of the past years that I can remember. If I did, it would have been to lose weight or to exercise more, mainly because that is what others wanted me to do. My second husband never did resolutions so that gave me permission to not do them. And honestly, that was a relief. What pressure for a new year - to focus on this one thing the whole year and try to make something big happen. 

I have made big changes happen in my life. I have lost large amounts of weight with dedicated effort on a couple of different occasions. I also have started a consistent workout routine at different times in my life. And I have made other big changes in my life like divorce, moves, graduate schools, etc. 

But none of these changes ever happened because of a new year’s resolution. So, I am not here to encourage anyone to pick out a resolution as we start the new year - unless of course you want to. 

However, I have studied under several spiritual teachers who have taught manifesting courses and the new year is traditionally a time to reflect over the past year and consider what the new year might bring. So, I felt called to share a new - or maybe just a different - perspective on how to bring in a new year. 

A not-so-new approach to resolutions 

My spiritual awakening started at the end of last year (2021). One of the questions I had started asking myself was, “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” The initial answer was I would go to the mountains and start hiking. Soon after, I took my daughter on a vacation to the White Mountains in New Hampshire and we had a glorious vacation hiking. It was so glorious, neither of us wanted to return home. And, when I did, I was thinking about how I could move to live in the mountains where I could feel alive more of the time.  

Then one day, I was outside raking leaves and I was debating whether to move to the mountains in New Hampshire or Montana. Suddenly, the thought dropped into my mind, “I’m going to stay here one more year” so I can work on building my own foundation with finances and healing. Even though this was not one of the options I truly was considering, I knew it was the right answer and the debate was over.

Around this same time, my business coach was hosting a book club where we were reading a book on manifesting. Manifesting is based on the Law of Attraction, which is a philosophy that we bring into our lives the things about which we think. If you worry about not having enough money for your bills, this means you will likely attract more bills! But, if you focus on attracting money, then you will receive money! 

I am not here to discuss if the Law of Attraction works or not. It has been deemed a pseudoscience (Farber, Sept 18 2016) and I cannot argue a single thing in that article. The way Farber quotes many of the authors discussing law of attraction and manifesting is that you essentially are putting your hopes out there and waiting for them to come true. 

But, my teachers have talked about it as co-creating our reality - it’s not just wishful thinking, but more of an action plan of a sort. This makes a lot of sense to me. I do not believe that God will simply drop something in your lap, but He will provide the opportunity if you are doing the work you need to do to make it happen. 

I am not using the law of attraction for its ability to magically grant wishes, but for its ability to challenge our mindset. If we know what we want in life, it can motivate us to work toward it. I am a huge fan of Carol Dweck (2007), who talks about our mindset. If we believe that our effort makes a difference (i.e., we have a growth mindset), then we will be able to continue to grow and stretch ourselves, gaining new abilities along the way. And, I believe, with growth, we will be rewarded with obtaining the things we desire. 

Shortly after I had that epiphany to build my foundation of finances and wellbeing, my business coaching group had a session where we made vision boards. I created mine around the theme “building foundations” and I had a section for my businesses, spirituality, relationships, money, self-care, and hiking. And, for each section, I had a picture representing an aspect in that area where I wanted to focus so I could change and grow as we moved into 2022. 

I then made that vision board the wallpaper on my business tablet so I saw it everyday. The reminder allowed me to reflect on areas where I needed to make changes. For example, one of the pictures represented “delegating” which reminded me to outsource areas of my business that I did not enjoy but were other peoples’ bread and butter. If some area in my life felt stagnant, I could refer to the vision board to see if perhaps something needed attention.

Over the past couple weeks, my meditations have been focused on reflecting over the past year and I want to share what has come up for me. Hopefully, this can help you start to reflect on your own year. 

Reflecting on the past year - What I liked about last year 

I did lots of healing, some occurred in the posts that have already been published on this blog and some of which you will still hear about in future blog posts. I made lots of progress in my spiritual growth and learned new skills that will allow me to offer new services. I did better at asking for help, both personally and professionally, rather than doing everything on my own. I learned to give myself some credit for not hiking more after I realized that my energy in this area where I live is much more stagnant than when I am in the mountains. But also I realized I need to find areas where I can go locally that will help me feel more alive. 

Professionally, I created and solidified two businesses to protect me financially in both my private practice and this business. I made choices to turn down some opportunities that I thought I would take this past year that ended up being financially too expensive, even though it meant that my business growth will be slower. I actually showed my face on Instagram and have made a couple of reels, which took me over a year to get comfortable enough to do. 

What I did not like about last year 

After I moved, I did not get back into financial planning like I had been doing during COVID so I am not as financially stable as I was hoping for. I did not get back into hiking or exercise as I would have liked. I had ideas for my business that I did not take action on and, even though I have received messages during meditation that the timing has not been right to move on those business ideas, I still feel bad and am self-critical about not taking action. Obviously, I’m still working on giving myself grace. Along with self-compassion, self-love and self-care are still works in progress, although I’m much better at all of them. Some days it is easier than others. 

Why most new year’s resolutions fail

Before I start considering next year, let’s look at the research on new year’s resolutions. When I started writing this blog, that is what I thought the main focus of this piece was going to be on. The research surprised me and I had to rethink this whole post, but it has been helpful as I am planning my goals for the new year. 

When I first googled research on new year’s resolutions I saw many headlines about the negative effects on mental health from making resolutions. The idea being that focusing on what we don’t like about ourselves can be harmful. 

However, the research does not seem to really bear that out. In fact, the scientific research is actually fairly supportive of setting new year’s resolutions. Here is what I found. 

First, I’m not alone in not setting new year’s resolutions. In their literature review, Oscarsson, Carlbring, Andersson, and Rozental (2020) found that about 44% of Americans and only 12-18% of Swedes set new year’s resolutions. In addition, many studies have found that nearly half of people who made resolutions have given them up by June. Honestly, I find that to be rather late in the year. Just the other day, someone I know commented about the number of people that will be in the gym in January only to not be there anymore by February. 

Either way, Oscarsson and his colleagues (2020) conducted a year-long study of resolutions in Sweden and found that nearly 55% of their participants had success in maintaining their resolutions throughout the 12 months of the study. This number is higher than I would have expected. 

So, what helped people hang on? First, it seems it was easier for people to attain their goals when they were working toward building behaviors rather than avoiding behaviors. In other words, it is easier to develop habits like working out than it is to stop behaviors like smoking. It also seems people were able to hang in there by having support from others (including the researchers) and by focusing on goals that were specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based (like exercising three times a week). SMART goals, anyone? In addition, it is also important that people are ready to make changes. The biggest reason people fail at their new year’s resolutions is because they simply are not ready to make the change. 

Planning for next year - What I would like to change moving forward

What I can do differently: I looked at my vision board regularly, but, this year, I could make it more of a habit to spend time at least once a month to see where I have progressed in the areas of focus. Also, maybe there is a way to highlight what has been accomplished and what may need some extra focus so there is a sense of motivation to keep pushing forward. Of course, based on Oscarsson et al.’s (2020) research, it would be helpful to set actual SMART goals to as many of the changes I would like to make as possible.

But what would I like to focus on next year? I still have healing to do, that’s for sure. After a lifetime of being disconnected from my body and emotions, I have done a lot to take back my power, but there is still a lot of inaction in my life. There is still something holding me back, though I don’t know what that is. I just know I need to keep moving forward as I have been and I will figure it out.

I also feel certain I am right where I need to be, but I want to be able to have an idea and act on that idea with confidence and certainty. The question that keeps coming back to me is “What would I do if I was not afraid?” The messages I get in my meditations are that this time in my life it’s like I’m learning to walk and I need to take small steps. It’s not like babies learn how to walk by running first - though that is what I expect of myself. So, like a baby, I need to take small steps - one at a time. And I’m going to be wobbly - and sometimes I might even need to crawl. And that’s ok. But soon enough, I’ll be running. 

I just need to have faith. And keep taking one step at a time. 

My New Year’s focus

So, this is what has come up for me. The theme for my new year is “living in courage.” My picture for this week is my vision board for 2023. It still is a work in progress, but this is the main focus for my year. You can see that my focus is going to be on building my business, relationships, my spiritual and personal growth, and my self-care. I want to be able to show up more publicly in a number of ways for my business, which includes offering new products and services. I also want to travel some more although that will come after I have spent the first part of the year setting up some financial strategies to get myself more stable and secure. 

How does this all apply to you? 

I can hear you thinking - this is great, but what does this all mean for me? So let me break it down in some ways you can apply it to your own life. 

1. As you think back over the past year, what did you do well? Give yourself a pat on the back for your accomplishments. You deserve that! 

2. What did you not like about this last year? What did you not do? What do you wish you did more? Break it down similar to how I did here. This becomes the basis for your plan for the next year.

3. Ask yourself: What would you do if you were not afraid? What would you do if you could do anything you wanted? What would you do if everything was exactly as you wanted? Write those things down. Focus on the things that bring you joy, excitement, and passion. Those are the things that are meant for you. Think about things in every area of your life: work, personal, relationships, self-care, travel, your pets, etc. Any area that means anything to you gets included, even if I have not listed it! This is personal to you so only you get to define it! 

4. Now visualize it! I used the Wallpaper template on Canva. You can use a vision board template on any program. Or you can go old school and purchase a poster board, magazines, glue, and markers and make a vision board that you can actually hang in your home. 

5. Look at it regularly so you can keep tabs on your progress! Seeing your wins will motivate you to keep moving forward. 

6. Use research to support you. Engage your friends. Set those SMART goals. Find ways to keep yourself motivated so that by the end of the year you are still going strong! Include me as your support! Since I have made my vision board public, I can check back in at six and 12 months to see how everyone, including myself, is doing! 

I don’t know how many of you reading this spent time doing this type of reflection at the end of the year. I can guarantee you that this year has involved the most reflection and planning than I have ever done in my lifetime. But I also feel like I have learned a lot over the past year and this time spent in reflection will jumpstart my growth in the new year.

One last point - maybe you want to make some positive changes this year, but what I have described feels like it is too much. I respect that as well. Then perhaps what you need most is an intention. What is your intention for the new year? Perhaps it is for healing. Or for more consistent self-care. Or for more time out in nature. Whatever it is, set your intention and post it somewhere to remind yourself and make that your focus. When you are ready for the rest, it will be here. 

I wish all of you a very Happy New Year! May this new year bring us all lots of healing, love, peace, and many blessings as we work toward making all of our dreams come true!  

References

Dweck, C. (2007). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Ballantine.

Farber, N. (2016, Sept 18). The truth about the law of attraction: It doesn’t exist. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-blame-game/201609/the-truth-about-the-law-attraction

Oscarsson M., Carlbring P., Andersson G., & Rozental A. (2020).  A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLoS One. 15(12) DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0234097.